There are Right Ways and Wrong Ways to Convert a Bear


A priest, a pastor and a rabbi served as chaplains to the students at UWO.

They would get together a few times a week for a coffee and to chat about their work at the university. During the conversation, one of the clergymen commented that preaching to people isn’t really that hard. A real challenge would be to find a bear and attempt to convert it.

One thing led to another and the three decided to do an experiment. They would each go separately to the forests in the Collingwood area to find a bear and attempt to convert it.

The following week they gathered again to discuss their experiment.

The priest, Fr. Peter, his arm in a sling, walking with crutches and his body covered with a variety of small medium and large bandages went first. “Well,” he said, “I went into the woods to find a bear and when I found one I began to read to him from Catechism of the Catholic Church. The bear wanted nothing to do with it and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him with it and just like that, he became as gentle as a lamb. The bishop is coming over next week to give him first communion and confirmation”

Pastor Dave was up next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts and an IV drip in his free arm. The story of his encounter with the bear sounded like one of his sermons. “Well brothers, you know that WE don’t sprinkle! I went out into that dark forest and found what is surely the largest bear He ever created! I began to read to my bear from God’s holy word. But that bear didn’t want to have anything to do with me. I grabbed him to insist he pay attention and the fight was on. We wrestled down one hill, up another and down again until we ended up at a creek. So, quick-like, I dunked him and baptized his hairy soul. And just like you said Peter, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus.”

They both looked over at the rabbi who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a full body cast with IV’s and monitors running in and out of him. He was in very bad shape. The rabbi looked up and said, “All things considered, Circumcision may not have been the best place to begin.”